Da doo run, run, run…

Feeling stuck and in a funk is not something I do well.  A couple weeks ago, I felt challenged to experience the joy that I believe is innate within my Being.  I knew it was there yet the thick clouds of feeling down hid that spark within and I felt lethargic and unmotivated.

That following weekend, I spent time with my sister, my father and his wife.  I had a waterfall tearfest and released my feelings of stress, overwhelm and vulnerability of living in a new town, with a new job, and striving to cultivate new friends and community.  Not only was I feeling sad, my brain felt discombobulated, sketched out, and off-balance.

It was time to take action!  In addition to talking to my dear family members, good friends, and reflecting on my pity party journal writing, I realized that I needed to tweak and improve my wellness and self-care so that I could uplift myself instead of remain stagnant and status quo blah-feeling.

Getting a professional massage helped finish off week two of the blah’s.  That same Friday evening, I ate sushi with a girl friend and attended a museum event where I got to paint, see people’s unique (a.k.a. bizarre) collections, and socialize.  I committed to going surfing each day there was surf and thankfully, that got to start the next day.

On Saturday and Sunday, I not only surfed but got to visit with my mother who was in town.  We saw a fun children’s play, ate good food and went for walks in the sunshine.  She was a positive and encouraging sound board with her always gentle space holding.

Sunday morning, it hit me that laying in bed and writing wasn’t what my body truly needed.  I motivated to put on my running shoes and power up my favorite dance music while I cruised near the beach.  I am happy to report that my morning runs continued on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (albeit in the dark and mist).

My attitude and morning mood has felt noticeably more positive.  I like the mystery of the quiet dawn and morning fog.  I appreciate making time to get in at least an hour’s worth of surfing after work on days there are waves to catch.  Even on days when the water is calm, seeing sea mammals and birds brings me joy.

My realization is that I must make these active wellness choices.  It’s this or miss out on the beauty of my oceanside town and the shimmering vitality of my life.  Choosing radical self-care is a path with which I’ve grappled.  Sometimes, I experience self-judgment that I need to schedule so many activities to insure that I feel healthy and positive about myself.

Then I sit with the reality that my eating wholesome food, sleeping well, sitting in meditation, refraining from using intoxicants, and getting daily exercise are all about choosing self-love.  This in turn, helps me cultivate my mission to help empower others to choose to love themselves in radical, healthy, and active ways.

Care to join me on this wellness journey?



Making room for love…

Two months have passed since my previous blog entry and it is, indeed, time for me to share my updates.  I’ve since moved to Santa Cruz, CA and started my new position as a preschool special education teacher serving children with autism, Down’s Syndrome, traumatic brain injury, and speech delays.  I have been feeling more settled into my new oceanside community and feel proud that I went surfing three days in a row, last week.  After three saltwater soaked days, I attended two evening sittings of meditation at Insight Santa Cruz.  Good medicine abounds here!

To stoke the flames of my typing fingers, I meandered to Jamie Ridler’s Wednesday Wishcasting where she asks:

What do you wish to make room for?

Down the road, I’d like to make room for my bike and surfboard which reside in my living room and kitchen.  Storing my multiple suitcases and backpacks in a back closet or garage would be my preference than having them tucked in the old Murphy Bed nook beside my redwood plank bookshelf.  These do not pester me every day.  They are simply organizational steps I know I will eventually take.

For the past 2 1/2 years, I have been mostly single.  By single, I mean that no serious love relationships or partnerships have been a part of my existence.  This has been the longest period of “single” time in my life.  Sure, I’ve had dates and some dating stints.  Nothing has yet to stick.

Much of this time has been a personal evolution of self-love, fostering my Wholeness, and discerning between potential matches (Mr. Next’s, Mr. Could-be Right’s, Mr. Slow-n-Steady’s) versus non-matches (Mr. Wrong’s, Mr. Fabulous’s and a of couple Don Juan’s, literally).  My dear friendship with my kindred soul brother, Nels, has helped inform me what true friendship feels like:  whole, unconditional, supportive, loving, and full of laughter.

Making room for love and a life-long partnership is what I feel most open to in my life.  I know that my teaching career will continue to flourish in partnership with me creating a business to support teachers and families.  I know that my surfing skills will strengthen with my regular access to beautiful Mama Ocean.

I wish to make room for my life-long husband and partner to enter into my fun, holistic, spiritual, and nature-loving life.  I wish to make room for feeling even more alive and bodacious in companionship with him.  I wish to make room for ecstatic energy exchanges, adventures to almost anywhere, and the cultivation of a deep, authentic, raw and honest friendship.  I wish to make room for his and my love, friendship, laughter, and co-created family.  I wish to make room for all of this–in the best interest and highest good of all involved.

Bit by bit, I know he is coming closer because the men I’ve met recently have more and more of the priority qualities that are on my divine husband list.  Honestly, I feel him heading in my direction.  I sense it with my intuition’s energetic vibrations and how my Wholeness and gut sense of ready-ness nod “Yes!”.